Eddie’s on Fire

Eddie's on Fire

Here’s to Igniting Fire across the world.

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I have nothing left to give.

The moment you realize that a deadly curse came into your life in the form of a human. With the promise of so many things they tease you with a glimmer of hope, the allure of a reason to reach, then in reality you come to find out….it was an illusion. Why so? Because you never from the very beginning served any purpose but to satisfy their appetite. Once you are consumed and their appetite is quenched, there’s nothing left of you, and you’re tossed to the garbage only to remind them of the inconvenience that remains to be discarded by the smell of decay that lingers as you rot into what will only feed new life. Here’s to the biggest deception I could have fallen for in my life. Way to go dumb ass, that’s what you get for putting it all out there. Never again.

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“The Siren”

In the world that we live in today, there are many opposing beliefs and such a rampant display of “know it all” theory that it leaves for an immense playground and much room for debate for people to decide what is beneficial and what is harmful to the development of healthy adult individuals. Moral ambiguity and a selfish desire for a world that caters to our every craving is more and more supported by a self seeking majority whom suffer from the unquenchable lusts of their carnal nature, ie. the human ego and primal desires of the most primitive part of our human psyche. We have long forsaken the ideology that insists that the primal and carnal nature of man is the foremost enemy of the progressive individual seeking to live by his Spirit versus his “dark side”, moreover….his impulses.

One such vain imagination is the female representation of supreme lust and self seeking…The Siren. In Robert Greene’s book “The Art of Seduction” the Siren is portrayed as the most potent of female seduction personalities. She is the most powerful poison capable of disarming any man regardless of his life experience, fortitude, or drive to succeed in any particular endeavor. She is the most volatile creature for any man who holds any lofty desire or great ambition for life. And the funny part is that she is only attracted to the type of prey that is destined to make history. Don’t think for a minute that the Siren had any interest in a man who makes no impact on a broader level than his immediate surroundings. There is no glory for the Siren in conquering a commoner, or a mere popper by comparison.

The Siren is the most ancient and the most successful of all seduction personality types. The Siren has to hold an air of supreme confidence and a sexually charged presence when she has an opportunity to corner her prey. The world has long been a place where men have been constrained and circumscribed as Robert Greene puts it, in his aggressive instincts. Everything must be made safe and secure by men, he is to bare the load of pressure and responsibility. Men are required to be reasonable and sensible, appropriating their primal impulses to be quenched by war, political intrigue, conquest and ambitious endeavors.

The key is for the Siren to capitalize on these instincts and to offer the prey an escape from the burdens of everyday responsibility. She must find a way to steal the mans attention as to where he then has no outlets for his aggression and his desires turn inward and begin to gnaw at him. Have you the reader ever noticed that when you are hard pressed to complete a task, or set forth on a mission to advance in any particular arena, a Siren finds you irresistible and fights for the attention that you give whatever passion you are pursuing? A Siren cannot bare for sailors to pass by without them desiring to feed her desire for attention, her song calls for an audience. She lives in a very lonely world that requires a break in her loneliness so that she doesn’t have to bare it alone.

The irrational of life is so very tempting as it offers a casting of restraint, satisfying that carnal desire we carry to feel burden-less. The Siren operates on a mans most basic instincts, she has the power to turn what is typically a strong, responsible, and driven male into a confused child with no bearing and no cares for the worries of today. She has the ability to seem as a “Never Never Land” that he can run to where no one will trouble him. And these tricks of hers come naturally, a seductress does not have to have a malicious agenda, it’s within her nature to seek what feeds her vanity and desire to be accompanied in her realm. A Siren doesn’t always know she’s a Siren, she simply….is. This all stems in modern days from a lacking in her own soul, caused either by a repressed desire for love, or a wound caused by an unsatisfied love. This wound or void causes her to utilize whatever method gives her the desired result.

The Siren tends to be much more successful on the masculine type, but she has a keen ability to quickly seduce a man of reason, an intellectual in his right. The intellectual is more often than not the most susceptible to the Sirens call offering pleasure, escape, and casting off of responsibilities because he is so held to that mold by himself most of all, but it’s required of him by life itself. The truth is this though, the Siren has nothing to worry about when it comes to choosing a victim that will play into her hands, her magic works on anyone willing to entertain her guises.

The Siren must set herself apart from other women. She must carry a highly feminine presence and a sexual undertone that can never be exposed as such. She has to seem “different” from all other women. To stand out as distinct from all other women within her circle is key, she is unique, and a prize to behold. She has to at the very least seem uniquely different than the women you are accustomed to, so as to seem like a change in a constant. When a women says, “I’m not like other girls” and you catch yourself agreeing that she is undeniably different, proceed with extreme discretion. A woman that is truly unique need never express it, this should be evident after time, time reveals all truth. There are not so many differences between women on such a grand scale that they are the end all and be all of women. A woman is a woman, but is she the right woman for you? That’s the question to ask. The Siren would like to appear as a rare thing, the only one to any particular group. Because a Siren is a sight to behold, and men are visually stimulated, it is imperative that a Siren concentrate on a presence that causes an overall experience that is almost like a caricature, childlike tendencies, cute anecdotes, cartoon like sneezes or other human experiences, she must seem dainty and demure. Most women lack the confidence to portray such an image and consider it to be off-putting, simply because they often think themselves “above this” and don’t want to be discovered for a lack of genuineness or for “trying to hard”. But we men are suckers for these little subtle tricks.

Once the woman has made herself to stand out from other women, her next move is to get the man to pursue her with such fervor and intensity that he looses control of his own sensibility and reason. Within this there must be a touch of danger, a relinquishing of everyday responsibilities and common sense. If there is danger and risk involved, the pursuit is that much more seductive. There is something very enticing about danger to men whom are expected to avoid it at all costs, danger is surprisingly seductive to men, beyond reason. To get the victim to pursue her is very easy for the Siren, all it requires is a highly charged sexual presence of the kind where she doesn’t seem like a whore, or in modern terms a “slut” as most women refer to those types that they wish not to exemplify for the frowning upon of a “dignified” society. So, be very sexual in your approach, but never appear to be a loose woman. If you can cause the man to pursue you, and constantly seem as though you are avoiding sexual interaction….the war has been won. You are innocent yet alluring, sexual yet refined in your reluctance to give in to carnal desire. If a woman is discovered to be a “loose woman” by the mans standard, he will quickly loose interest once he has attained her, she is to always be elusive, and distant. This stirs a desire in the man to conquer her, to woo her into submitting to his advances. The more distant and aloof she can maintain herself, the more this will frustrate the man as it will confuse him and cause a prick to his ego, making him question whether or not her is worthy to have her. When a man feels inadequate, he longs to prove his worthiness and ability to be qualified. Once again she is playing at his most primitive mental processes, she is causing a regression such as when he desired to please his mother whom always demanded so much of him, in line to be a man one day.

This Siren, this seductress must resemble an ideal. Whether it be a movie star, a singer, a model, a muse of any type, a strong leader that others admire, a ballerina, a fitness guru, a Yogi, a lifeguard, a painter, anything that inspires awe in the one to behold her, she must resemble some archetype that the man wishes to be identified with. It must fulfill an aspect of what he sees in himself, it must satisfy a desire in him to be proud of his prize, she is always a prize to be won after all. The more vehemently he has to pursue this archetype, the greater the pride in having attained her, as well as his belief that he is acting on his own initiative and will. Not succeeding would mean that he was less than the man capable of doing so. To create this initiative within the victim is the most effective way of disguising how deeply she is manipulating him. As I said, a Siren doesn’t always have malicious intent, she may not know she’s employing the power of a Siren, but when a woman knows what she wants, and when she sees a result, she is unknowingly attaching strings to the mans feeble will as she sees the results of a particular set of actions. The notion of danger, a conquest, challenges, are so alluring to a man, especially the old fashion chivalrous kind of men we portray as the ideal in Hollywood, men tend to take notes from Romantic Comedies and Love Stories. When the element of danger or possible loss is present, it adds emotional spice and excitement, a thrill to the chase that we love so much. In a place and time this day and age when we as men are so repressed and expected to be reasonable and rational, this is the change up we crave in a monotonous array of daily occurrences.

This lathering on of risk and danger was present in the original Myth of “The Siren”. In Homers Odyssey, Odysseus must sail by the caves and rocks where the Sirens dwell. From this place of supreme danger is where they sing their songs that beckon sailors to their death. They sing of past conquests and glorious exploits, they sing also of a world without cares or concerns. They free the prey from his responsibilities, offering a “Never Never Land” of sorts where she will help him to discover what he truly longs for….pleasure and rest. She promises the sailors that she has all the answers that he desires, she will free him from concerns and worries of everyday living, she’ll be the resolution he seeks in his journey. Their voices were soft, soothing, an inviting liquid like a quenching water, smooth and serene. Sailors would leap into the water to join them and drown. They’d be caught in a trance and be crushed by the rocks. To protect his sailors and to live to tell the story, Odysseus had all of his sailors plug their ears up with wax while he was then tied to the mast so that he could live to tell about the experience. This was considered a strange way to go about it since the thrill of the Siren is to give in to the temptation of following her, something he knows he shouldn’t do, but leaves him with a wonder of, “How bad could it be?” It leaves for an appeal as we humans have an innate desire for the forbidden.

Like the sailors of ancient days, we are required to steer and sail a straight and narrow path in life avoiding distractions and pitfalls. The allure of something dangerous, mysterious, unknown, and emotionally engaging is extremely powerful because it is forbidden fruit. A man is consumed by a Siren but cannot tear himself out of her grasp. The most strong willed men, the head strong leaders, men in positions of power, these are truly the weakest. The stronger the personality, the more susceptible to the Sirens magic as these men tend to have a masochistic streak. As boys these men also had strong wills, and when the dominating force in their life, the mother, put her foot down he often tested the waters simply because of his desire to challenge himself more so than the authority his mother wielded. He wants to be the exception to the rule, he desires to prove himself so as not to feel weak in his own skin. Danger enhances all of the Sirens other characteristics and promotes a powerful hold on a man.

Sirens are very often incredibly irrational which is extremely seductive to men of reason and logic, who don’t stand a chance against the lure if they try to make sense of everything. Within this irrational aspect to the Siren there is a fear that is created. This fear is critical to the powerful hold she has on a man. She has to create an atmosphere of switching back and forth between approval and displeasure with the man, causing him to respect her. With this respect and reverence comes a desire for him to please her but still allow her space. If she can keep him on his toes in complete fear of causing any distaste, she can assure his constantly walking on eggshells so as not to “turn her off.” She must intimidate him with capricious behavior, dismissing him, not responding to his advances or showing any reciprocity towards his loving gestures or thoughtful gifts. This keeps him wondering if he is worthy of her, it causes him to try, and try, and try even harder. With so much invested he hates to give up the pursuit for not wanting to quit when he ALMOST has her, or so he thinks. She as the expert manipulator must show displeasure after satisfaction, this will forever confuse him. The more she punishes him with insatiable expectations, the more he will fall into her complete control as he waits on her move, or her guiding to show him what she desires. He at this point has been….mastered.

The absolute most important element for an aspiring Siren is always going to be the physicality of her nature as her most powerful tool. She must never be too obvious but instead subtle and tapered back in her display. Heightened femininity, evoked thru her clothing, jewelry, make-up, hair, subtle scents, and even the way she moves are so very powerful because they hold no true meaning to a victim. These things bypass the senses and any mental process. Think about the effects a decoy has on an animal, or the way that a cape captures a bulls unconscious drive. It’s the same thing with a Sirens presentation.

Now, a Sirens appearance is often thought to be that of a stars brilliant beauty, namely the face, but this is not the case with a Siren. A gorgeous face doesn’t make for a Siren, in-fact, quite the opposite. A beautiful face makes for distance and a frigid presence, this woman is unapproachable. Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe are the two greatest Sirens recorded in history but were not known for their beautiful faces, this would then dominate their appearance which would be too obvious and direct. A Siren typically has a face of average beauty, but she engages and stimulates a very generalized desire by creating an overall presence that is both alluring and one that distracts her victim. This process is similar to one spiders use who lure their prey with dances and disguises that confuse their unsuspecting prey. It is never one particular trait but rather a combination of qualities that are presented ever so subtly, they must never be noticed.

The voice of a Siren is a very powerful element, which is clearly a very critical weapon. The legend tells of the Sirens voice which has an immediate animal presence and an incredibly suggestive power which her victim cannot miss. The power seems to be regressive, which most women are VERY aware of. The “momma voice” has whipped many a man into submission or at least immediate compliance. Either this, or the voice calms or excites the man in the same fashion it did as a child before the child had any clue what the mother was even saying. A somewhat “mother like” tone, even if condescending causes a regression where the man unconsciously begins to make decisions from a point of submission, desiring to please. Within this commanding subtlety, there must remain a hint of the erotic, as if to please her is proceeded by reward in some form or fashion, this must be subliminal and not overt.

Cleopatra was constantly talked about and people would regularly comment on her “sweet and delightful voice”. She was said to have mesmerized with her soft and slow form of speech, the ring of her laughter was said to resonate a childlike joy thru a room, inevitably captivating the hearer. The Empress Josephine Bonaparte was one of the greatest seductresses of the late 18th century who was said to have a languorous voice that men found exotic and suggestive. Marilyn Monroe had a breathy childlike voice that she later lowered to increase it’s seductive allure. Lauren Bacall’s voice was sultry and low, and it’s powerful ability to seduce came from her low and suggestive delivery which is typical of a Siren. The Siren never speaks quickly, she takes her time when talking, she’s methodical and intentional with how she speaks. The voice must lull, the adornment must captivate, and she must keep the victim guessing as to whether she is pleased or not.

Baudelaire put it this way in his essay ‘In Praise of Make-Up’, “Woman is well within her rights, and indeed she is accomplishing a kind of duty in striving to appear magical and supernatural. She must astonish and bewitch, an idol must adorn herself with gold in order to be adored. She must borrow from all the arts in order to raise herself above nature, the better to subjugate hearts and stir souls. The key, everything must dazzle but also be harmonious, so that no single ornament stands out.”

So ummm….do any of you know any Sirens? Have any of you acted as a Siren, intentionally or unknowingly? This Siren is the number one female embodiment of a cancer that ruins good men. All she desires is to fill her time, to avoid solitude, to have someone hear her song and praise her as a Goddess. She longs for someone to praise her for how wonderful she is instead of waiting for the appropriate form of reverence and love. The unfortunate aspect of her seemingly natural and innocent desires, is that she has the need for a mans very essence, she needs him to abandon the cares of his life, his responsibilities and call, and replace those cares….with her, thereby stripping him of his very identity and purpose. Well, being that she can never be the source of life for him….he will eventually die because of BOTH of their lustful desires which can NEVER be satisfied in this fashion. The only way for them both to be fulfilled….is to die to themselves and relinquish all self seeking desires. For both, it’s their inward focus and their self seeking that brings them to their demise. So, good luck with that pursuit. Lemme know how it works out for you. ;)

TRUTH!

Ignite a Fire

Eddie C

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We are meant to sharpen one another as Iron Sharpens Iron

In life, we are presented with so many different choices, so many options, and the roads that we may travel are too numerous to be 100% certain of which one to take, until we find out the law of hind site is so truly appropriate in the majority of the decisions we’ve made.

 

I am bouncing back with a raging fire from what seemed like a hopeless situation, but I am still experiencing the fall off from the atomic like blast that took place in my life when I chose to move away and chase a dream that turned out to be a pipe dream. Though the world changing disappointment is not something easy to get passed, I’m doing it, and I’m doing it with all the tenacity and zeal that I can muster. But there’s a tricky situation I’m dealing with currently that is once again slowing me down….another dream.

 

What dream am I talking about? Well, we all of us at one time dream of “being someone great” or “achieving something great”, but how many of us consider the things in life that so many take for granted…a dream. This specific dream is that of Loving like I’ve never loved before. “Why is that a dream dude?” “Alright man, did you pull me into a read that involves some sappy story about how you’re tired of the life experience we all go thru in relationships?” YUP! That’s exactly what I want to write about, and the reason is because relationships impact our lives more greatly than most care to admit. 

 

What is it that you do when you wake in the morning as a child and greet your parents? What is it that you experience when you walk into the classroom and friends and teachers begin to interact with you? What is it that we walk out when we as adolescents discover when we begin to feel and experience the strange push and pull of hormones and feelings? This….is the effects of the relationships we have within our lives, and it’s inevitable. We are constantly in a relationship with our parents, our leaders, our teachers, and our friends, as well as with those of the opposite or same sex. We are caught in an intermingling of relationships that shape us, grow us, and challenge us for good or even to our detriment. The key to relationships that I’ve found as one to pay attention to with a keen discernment, is whether or not those relationships will cause us to grow and become the highest caliber individuals we can become. I once read, as iron sharpens iron, in the same way one person sharpens another. I have to stop and think in regards to each relationship I have in my life and truly consider, “Is this person sharpening me?” What this means is simply the following, if the people you choose to have relationship with in your day to day life don’t grow you, if they aren’t moving in the same direction as you at the pace you’re moving, if they don’t EDIFY you, why are they in relationship with you? 

 

I recently had the amazing opportunity to make a new friend that created a desire in me to want to become the best possible me. This person I met had something within them that illuminated my heart, my mind, and sparked a fire in me causing a drive like I haven’t had in a long while. They without knowing became my number one reason to succeed, to press into difficult situations and conquer all of my personal demons triumphantly without any regrets and with no holding back. What happened though? This individual didn’t get the same fire from me, I wasn’t able to be what they needed in order for them to look at life the same way they helped me to see it. I failed in that relationship, and it hurts me so deeply to know that I cannot fulfill the mandate of being strength and inspiration for someone else. I have a hard time dealing with this reality, and it’s tearing me apart emotionally causing me to want to tap out, though I won’t.

 

So what happened, was it me? Was it that, maybe I tried too hard for other things neglecting the needs that they had? Was I not enough of a motivation, or positive enough, or maybe I didn’t give them the love they needed as a leader and a friend? I’m not sure where I failed, but I don’t want to fail again, I can’t live with that. 

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that no matter what we do in this life, unless we completely isolate ourselves we will always be in many different types of relationships. With each relationship we are given the opportunity to stuart, we must always do everything we can to cultivate the very best in the other person, making sure that we see the reality of who they are as the very best qualities that this person is capable of. To focus on their flaws instead of simply acknowledging they are there and moving right on to their strengths…will hurt us and them. We benefit so much more from building on that persons strengths and as a well draws water from the depths of the earth, we can draw out the most unfathomable beauty from the very core of this person, no matter who it is. Thru-out this process we are challenged, we are refined, and all of our spiritual and emotional muscles will be exercised and strengthened. What we choose to see in that person will be what we become and what we give to them and others. I’ve said many times to people dear to my heart that what we allow to come THRU us BECOMES us. So, let that light come thru you to that person, even with all the challenges that may come either of your way. It will act as iron sharpening iron, shaping you both and making you fortified strength for one another, able to withstand the hard blows life gives us in many moments. And another thing, is to realize that the imperfections in metal are what sharpen the other, as well their imperfections are what sharpen YOU. Live a life of unrestrained love with a passionate fire that ignites the very Spirit within everyone you come in contact with. Signing off….chew on that a bit. ;)

 

Ignite a Fire

 

Eddie CImage

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FREEDOM!!! Please READ & SHARE

(Please check out the link at the bottom)

For many years I have lived a life that plays out in a rhythmic pattern of dynamic pain & pleasure. From having everything I ever truly needed as far as food, clothing, shelter, family & friendship to lacking peace, harmony, affirmation, real love, comfort & security. I could tell a story of the battles I’ve waged in my heart & mind, but the bottom line is that I’ve overcome. When I think of my life in retrospect & have to say out of conviction….I was blessed overall very abundantly. I have to always consider the cross & the price that was payed for me in order to live free & to truly experience the pleasure of freedom & rest. Unfortunately, some don’t have that privilege, nor will they unless someone pays a price for them, standing in place of where they now stand acting as a voice for them, because their voice needs to be heard.

We as human beings have inalienable rights that should never be taken away, & among those rights is the right to live free. To live free is a gift that many take for granted, simply because they weren’t the ones to pay the price for that freedom. We don’t stop to consider most of the time, that people died & are still dying so that we can be free to work, purchase, provide for,choose success, educate our families & ourselves, or even just to enjoy the fruits of this earth.  

These people don’t have those rights, they are The Pygmy people of the African Congo, & they are currently being enslaved, beaten & abused, as well as being eaten by cannibals who believe their flesh has magical properties. I wanted to post this video because it just occurred to me to do so. I thought of the emotion this scene evokes, & how when a man is given the choice to save himself from pain, he instead chooses to endure simply to pay a price for those that follow, that they may fully understand what it is to pay a price for something beautiful, something precious & so very empowering to all mankind…..FREEDOM!

 

FIGHT FOR THE FORGOTTEN!!!

 

Ignite a Fire

-Eddie C.

Please check out this link….http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/fight-for-the-forgotten

 

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“Betrayal is so…

“Betrayal is something that others do to you, bitterness is something you do to yourself. Let it go. Forgiveness unblocks your blessings.”

Unknown

I love this, it has been my experience, and I know because I have forgiven, I have been blessed…and set free.

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Well, here’s to coming up in the world!

Some say there is no hope, yet inside they are truly hoping with all they have. Some see no healing in the near future, yet they are crying inside for someone to touch their hearts and set them free. Some don’t know where to turn, yet the very next opportunity that comes their way is the best thing that could happen to them.

Only a month and a half ago I was going from couch to couch, from couch to air mattress. From air mattress to bus stop, to train station, and back to a couch. I was wondering how I was going to eat every day, and went through so much stress due to not having a family to call mine. I was riddled with guilt, self loathing, and a sense that everyone who WAS in my immediate surroundings was so involved in their trivial pursuits that they didn’t notice that I was dying inside; all the while praying for literal death of the body. I was in such a state of victim mentality that the morose nature became an extreme drag to anyone that tried to help me get on my feet. There were a few folks that saw a bright light flicker for long periods from the depth of the endless abyss of despair. One was a man who turned out to be a great friend named Ray. Ray was a ray of sunshine in my everyday monotony. He was so optimistic with such a positive approach on even the most bleak situations. He tended to exude an essence of leave it to Beaver and Andy Griffith. It was a very wholesome atmosphere in his home, and I loved crashing on his couch for the short 2 weeks I was there. His kindness and casual yet profound friendship was enough to cause me to begin to look at the world from a different set of eyes. I am so thankful for this guy. Staying with him was ultimately what caused me to consider making a drastic change in my outlook, as well as my all around situation in life.

Ray made a suggestion to answer the beckoning of a cousin I never knew in California. He said that the very worse that could happen, is that I go back home to Texas if the opportunity he promised didn’t work out, and I thought, HE’S RIGHT. So to California I went. It was costly, and scary being that I knew nothing of the west coast nor did I know anyone here, or what I was going to be doing. But when I arrived, the love I felt from two people who never even knew me was so tremendous that I couldn’t go anywhere regardless of how it turned out.

I have been working for a non-profit organization for free for going on a month and a half. I have been titled Director of Ministry Development after the senior staff began to realize my potential to completely revolutionize the way that they operate as well as create a vision that would ignite a fire in every single person in this small congregation and charter school. I have been networking with a series of people to begin a process of restoration to a cathedral in the original suburb of Los Angeles that was built in 1923. I have recruited a paint company, landscapers, as well as mural and graffiti artists to begin to put a new face on the facilities as well as involve those who take part in this non-profit to have a purpose to serve and show love to the community and church family here.

I have been given a very strong sense of significance, and a new purpose for living. I went threw a process of therapy where I had to forgive my hurts from the past that I strongly believe got me to the state I was in before coming to California, this allowed for a significant amount of personal growth. The growth facilitated an extreme amount of stress relief and allowed me to begin to order my thoughts, and to create an action plan on a day to day, and week to week basis in order to structure a mission as well as a vision to begin a new career path falling within the humanitarian field. It has been a very hard road, but has also been more rewarding than I ever dreamed of.

I say all this to highlight the results of what took place in just a couple of short weeks while staying as a transient on someones couch. Thank you Ray, and may God bless you for being salt and light to a guy who just needed a brief glimpse of how beautiful life can truly be if we just make a few minor adjustments to our perception and how we choose to approach the world as we know it; then cutting loose the chains that weigh us down, we can begin to once again fly as we we’re intended to. Love ya man.

Ignite a Fire

Eddie C

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This is a couple sleeping in Santa Monica

This is a couple sleeping in Santa Monica

A bike is car…the grass is a bed…at least they have each other.

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A New Change…A New Beggining.

“I have been rescued!” This was my first thought when I heard the offer to come to California and have a fresh start. At first it seemed too good to be true, and kind of still is too good to be true, but I’m going anyway.

I am no longer going from couch to couch with the occasional stalemate as to where exactly it is I’m going to sleep or how I’m going to eat. I have been given an opportunity to travel to Los Angeles to start getting my heart and mind right, to then do exactly what I wish someone would have done for me, I am going to help those who are beat down by life and lost much to get back up on their feet in entirety, to the best of my ability with whatever resources I am given. It feels good, but only in contrast to the huge battle taking place in my mind.

Last night I was completely shattered. I thought of all that I had invested, all that I had sacrificed, of all that I wished I could have done and could have seen to completion. It tore me apart little by little, gnawing at my every reach for hope and optimism. I was crazy in love with an amazing woman, who turned out to move on more quickly than the truth would allow for, my father and mother haven’t had anything to do with me in almost a year and my mother specifically 3 years. I have a hand full of friends that loved on me and helped me out, but me leaving is like another “see ya later”, which may be asking too much. No one was hear to see me off, but it’s cool, my boy Sam brought me to the airport and prayed for me, giving me comfort and strength. I thank him for that, as insignificant as it could have been for him, it meant the world to me. I have to be honest….I’m completely terrified.

I have so many reservations about going to California. If you don’t make it there, it’s a lot harder to deal with than Texas. I have no one there except my cousin and his word, only second to God and His word. I guess that should be enough, but for some reason within my selfish self, it’s not. I have a vision, a huge dream, and a calling I can’t run away from to reach the most broken type of people, those with nothing; why isn’t it enough? I am too old to be experiencing such child like fear and apprehension, all these reservations and loneliness. Why am I so depressed? All night last night I cried, until passed 3:30 in the morning. I was very suicidal and psychotic all at the same time. I need a fresh renewal of hope and joy.

I need to express this publicly because this is something that someone else is going through right now. Many people are struggling with this, and it’s a reality that we cannot be shy about and hide into a closet of uncomfortable things we’d rather not touch. Anyone who is sleeping at a bus stop like I have done, or in a car, or moving from couch to couch is going through this 100 fold more strongly than what I have expressed here. The hope countered by despair, the numb and misleading suicidal and depressing thoughts and emotions, the desperation and confusion coupled with tumultuous and violent bouts of rage and bitterness. It’s so much harder than any of you who have not lived it can imagine, especially when something like this happens for a prolonged period or repeatedly over years like it has happened to me. I am by no means looking for pity or lament, neither remorse nor apologies. What I desire is to create an awareness from a first hand account of what a person actually goes through within life experiences like mine or to any degree beyond what I lived. I ask that you as the reader choose to have compassion for those you may know who are facing this up hill battle, and do all you can to help. I’m requesting that you use your imagination to convey to your heart in as much detail as you can vividly visualize and feel what it would be like to go through this. To say no more, it is so exhausting that it takes you to the point of questioning whether things will change, and whether one should just throw in the towel.

Obviously, I choose to march on, partly due to some quality in me that causes me to be persistent and hope for the impossible. Another part of the equation is an incessant reminder of what I was told all my life. “Little Eddie….God designed you, to change the world.” So many of us have heard that, so many have been promised so much and have been encourage to chase a dream. I choose to embrace that in my darkest of hours, it won’t let go…and neither will I.

Thanks for reading.

Ignite a Fire

Eddie C

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It is far and very few between who are TRULY Homeless.

Since January of 2010 I have been in various Homeless situations ranging from crashing on couches to sleeping against a tree at a rail station. I have truly begun seeing that in this country of The United States of America I can never TRULY be homeless.

You see, there are a couple of factors to consider that make it almost impossible for me to be at a complete dead end. One of these things is my faith in God. Without my faith, in those moments when someone comes to the end of themselves, as well as every other rescue line in their lives, I would have never made it. The other thing is, my network of beloved friends and family with whom I would have never made it. Lastly, is the very specific set of skills and talents I have been blessed with.

Faith is a very controversial and a very personal thing. It stems from personal belief, and a desire to know and understand something beyond what we know and comprehend in any human sense. It is the substance by which we choose to adhere to something beyond this life ever searching for a greater truth, a greater possibility. Even now, my faith is being tested, and shaken in every way. I have faith that I can make it, I can also grow from the knowledge that no one can take from me, but I don’t have the greatest faith in my circumstances right at this moment in life.
I don’t have too much faith in people other than myself. What does this mean? It means that I believe I have surrendered myself to something greater than myself, a cause, a purpose, to people, and to God above all. Even though I have issues with people around me, I have faith that God will bring me through this like many other things in my life, inspite of myself. I also believe though that it will be a lonely venture. I have no faith in the people I love and care for the most, because they have no faith in me. They have no faith for my relationship with them, or for the place I could hold in their life. Regardless of possibilities, they have no faith for the future.

What does this have to do with Homelessness? It has everything to do with how a person manages their thoughts and emotions, because the reality of this is pervasive. It makes it much harder to deal with, in that this is what most Homeless people live in.

“I have faith in God and myself, but not people.”
How many people who ask for change on the side of the road hold up a sign that says,

“Hungry, God Bless You.”
Or
“Anything helps, God Bless.”

You may think they don’t, but I have NEVER spoken to yet one single person out on the streets who doesn’t choose to reach for something higher than themselves. This faith outside of men and women, this faith that goes beyond human dependence and interaction, is what gets me through. But truly, I have friends that I can count on I’ve found, so I am truly never without a home.

When someone has even one true friend who is in a better position in life to where they can give something, not because it’s comfortable, or easy, but because the opportunity is there, this person has more than they could ever dream. They should treasure such a person as a prize to be fought for. I have given when I was doing well, and had over abundance flowing in my life, but the challenge was to give when I had nothing. I have done this even recently, given away what little I had; in return, true friends did the same for me & I love them for it because as hard as it’s been, I appreciate it even more so.

I am hurting at present. I am actually breaking apart due to a really intense loss I’ve recently suffered. Someone I thought I would have the pleasure of sharing life with is gone, and I don’t foresee a healing from this anytime soon, but I have faith in my ability to process, in my ability to task orient and stay busy in this up hill climb towards helping others.
So it is my skills that I have faith in, my abilities, whether innate or learned through being tried by fire. I have faith in what I have applied before that has gotten me through. And I will continue to apply it time and again until these processes and exercises are no longer sufficient.

Being that I have reached the levels of experience and success that I have reached, I don’t know that I could ever be completely destitute, at least not in this culture and society. With the brain I’ve been blessed with, and the wisdom I’ve had imparted to me, I don’t know that I could ever be truly Homeless.

Very few of us are truly Homeless when we really stop and consider our faith, our company of people, and the skillsets and talents that could take us from the ditch to the penthouse. We need to learn as I am now learning the art and power of gratitude. To be grateful for what we do have, though it be what clothing we have on and our knowledge and experience, is a starting point that many don’t have the capacity to reach without someone else to lift them up. Give someone something to be grateful for, especially if you’re not TRULY Homeless.

Ignite a Fire

Eddie C

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